Always strive to do better

This past year, I have been going through a deeply spiritual, deeply personal awakening of myself.  I have been going through this process that has absolutely nothing to do with running but so much to do with all of me.

As I have gone through this, I have struggled.  I like the little comfort zone I have created for myself and don't really want to rock that boat.  In life we make choices and we live with those choices everyday.  What I struggle to remember is that all those choices belong to God and they are all blessings in my life.

At the gym last night, I was sorting some stress out.  My prayers focused on letting stupid stuff go that really didn't matter.  My prayers focused on letting go of that silly inner child that only wants my way and will fight til the bitter end to get it.

As I am at the completion of this journey that I am on, my prayer also focused on how my life has changed, how my views of myself and the world and God have changed.  I cannot listen to mainstream music anymore.  It is painful to me.  Some of the words are so degrading and offensive, that it just is garbage (for me).  I find myself more and more wanting to surround myself with things that remind me of the graces I have been given by God.  All of my life is a blessing.

Then my prayers turned to my sins.  I am sinful.  Simul justus et peccator.  I am simultaneously a saint and a sinner.  For every good jog I have, I put off working out and lounge in front of the tv proclaiming that I don't have time to workout.  As much as I try to model that I am living a godly life, I realize how many times I fall short of that glory and fail miserably.

I often wonder what people think about when they are at the gym.  If people could get in my head while I am pumping out miles, I know they would find my prayer crazy and definitely not gym related.  Normally I listen to my mp3 and whatever Christian music pumps and drives a beat to push my run faster.  Last night, I found myself listening to the strangest non cardio pumping song ever, but it was beautiful.

It is by Downhere.  It is called Beggar Who gives Alms.  http://youtu.be/bltQkFUGPbQ

The words drove me faster and faster.

I completed 2.5 miles on the eliptical and then did 1 mile on the treadmill.  I wish I would have had more time because I actually wanted to do 1 more mile on the treadmill.  I had a meeting so I had to finish.

May I always remember that life is not about the motions and pushing through activities just to get finished.  May I always search for more, to do more and desire more for myself so that I can truly give all that I have to God.

AMEN