Serving others... serving myself

I am an hopeless do-er.  I have begun to realize this alot lately.  I am a people pleaser.  I do stuff for others, plain and simple.  Doing stuff for others makes me feel good.  That can't be bad can it?


As you all know, I knit (yeah not a secret).  Many laugh at the fact that I don't usually make stuff for me.  I have some scarves that were simple quick knits but as a whole -- I don't knit for myself.  I just don't.  I will talk about a project that I am starting for myself after I finish my current one, but usually that does not happen.  


A friend has been doing a series of blogs on "loving yourself."  The more I identify with these blogs the more I wonder if I love myself.  I think alot of it is the eternal "mom" thing.  I want to do SO SO much for Cade that I probably neglect me.  I do so much for Jody that I probably neglect me.  Moms have this thing with being selfless with their family.  


Also, I keep thinking about Finding Nemo with my last blog -- "Are you floating in the waters of God's unconditional love for you?"  I "just keep swimming... just keep swimming... just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."  


But back to the knitting  -- It is kinda sad that the first thing I do when I see yarn is imagine who I can make it for.  I can honestly say there is only 2 skeins in my stash that I probably will use for myself currently.  Why?  I just don't knit for myself.  


The more that I think about it though -- when I am serving others, I really am serving myself.  I spend hours focusing on the person when making the project.  Knitting is my time for prayer and meditation and with each stitch is another prayer.  I can't fathom spending that much time on something for me.  I don't really want to.  


It makes me all wonder if this is yet another example on my difficulty in accepting love for myself?  On Sunday evening, Pastor preached on this (hmm... might God be trying to get some point across to me?).  The sermon text was Luke 13:31-35.  Towards the end of the sermon, he said we can be obstinate, foolish, stubborn, but the love of God for us remains just in case we wise up and accept his embrace.  Hmm... am I obstinate and stubborn?  NEVER.  


I think that in life we set out to love ourselves, take care of ourselves -- and accept that love from others.  HOWEVER, somehow we get lost in that and get stubborn and forget to accept that love especially that unconditional love.