Living a life of faith

We take SO much of life for granted.  We go through the motions, do things because we HAVE to do them.  In so much of life's "have to's" we don't look for God.  We don't see God's GREAT plan because we are too worried about the priorities.  


Last Thursday, I got a puppy.  Pepito was an unexpected blessing.  We knew that we were going to start looking for a dog closer to Cade's birthday.  After we had to put Muffin to sleep in December, we knew that we wanted to wait about 6 months to get a new dog.  Then, when I logged onto Facebook and saw that someone was looking for a home for a puppy, I wanted to take a look.  


This puppy lived in Seguin and was found but no owner was located.  So, I called and arranged an appointment.  She said, "oh, but I am all the way in Seguin."  IRONICALLY, (yes there are no coincidences) I was in Seguin that day for a Youth Ministry thing at TLU.  Perfect!  I went to meet puppy after I was done and home we travelled.  


Pepito is a refreshing, joyful member of our family.  I was asked, "Where was God in you getting a new puppy?"  My thought initially was "Why would that have been a God thing?"  


DUH!  The puppy came at the right time in our lives to be an addition to the family.  The "coincidence" that I just happen to be in Seguin on the very day when Pepito would need a new home.  The acceptance of Pepito by all members of the household (including the big oaf outside, Houdini -- who LOVES Pepito).  Everything was God. 


Why don't we think about this normally?  I had to think about how God was a part of that whole process.  Instead, I should have realized it, rejoiced and gave thanks for this new blessing.  


I have several acquaintances who have been preparing for Passover.  At first I thought this was like me getting ready for family to come.  You know the times when you have to clean your house to a whole new level because relatives are coming.  This is completely different.  This site has a simple explanation of ridding your home of Chametz for Passover (http://judaism.about.com/od/chametz/Chametz_Passover_Forbidden_Food_Passover_Cleaning.htm ).  I am sure it is not the best but simple in explanation.  


What amazes me is that ridding one's house of Chametz for Passover is again away of seeing God in all that we do.  We live lives of faith but so often we don't acknowledge that in all and through all, God is there.  It is rather sad if you think about it.  


A little story about my hubby (sorry Jody).  Last night as we were headed to pick up Cade, I was commenting that we needed to take Cade's picture with the bluebonnets this weekend (I think it might be an unwritten law or something that children in Texas have to have the stereotypical bluebonnet picture).  He said, "Oh, I haven't really noticed them this year."  I was appalled.  Really, I understand it is not his thing, but how can you not see all the beautiful colors and life around you?  It again reiterates that all of life is a gift.  We, everyday need to give thanks for it and bless it for what it is, a gift from God.  
  

Wow... how refreshing

I am not usually quiet.  In fact, I am hardly ever quiet. (Those of you who know me well, know this to be true).  Today has been very different.  It was a lazy day off.  I probably could have done a TON of chores but I just went for the lazy route (doesn't happen often.)

I went grocery shopping and went to lunch with Jody, but other than that -- nothing.  When I am home, I ALWAYS have the TV on.  It is a horrid habit that I need to quit.  It is really just noise.  Reruns and news are usually it on Mondays.  Today, I didn't turn the TV on.  I just never got around to it.  The house was completely quiet.

Looking back on the day, I was relaxed, almost peaceful, and quiet.  That was such a blessing.  There was no stress from life, no mindless TV to clutter my head.  Quiet, simple wonderful quiet.

In this day and age, we have to always be doing something.  We never just sit and relax.  That is sad.  It is sad that we get so over involved in stupid stuff and don't just enjoy life.

Power Struggles -- In my effort to be humble before God

I don't admit defeat easily.  I have always fought for everything I got.  To say I am a perfectionist -- not completely -- but I DEFINITELY do not fail easily.


I am realizing more and more that this need for control is in my prayer life.  We all fall into the pattern of making prayer one sided.  We do all the talking and often forget the listening to God part.  That is a big thing in having a relationship with God, listening and realizing the presence of God.  More than that for me, though is my need for POWER.


I really have never thought of myself as power hungry.  I'm not the one who climbs to the top of the corporate ladder and chews up anyone who gets in my way.  That is not the power hungry that I struggle with.  My power struggles are more in the "I have to have total control" category.  I control my own destiny, right?  NO.  NO. and NO.


I remember way back in October of last year when I had my first "green tea moment."  I still remember the moment when I really let go of all of the stuff in my head, I released thoughts, I could almost feel a total sense of freedom from control.  I remember paying attention to my breathing and nothing else like it was just yesterday.  I was humbled before what I can only describe as God.  I felt peace and love like I had not before.


I remember those brief moments when I can let it all go and they are full of so much joy.  Then I read articles on being humbled before God and just cannot imagine myself being in that place (eventhough  I have been there.)  So why is that?


I like control.  I like control.  I like control.  I can accept this.  It is good to have control over your actions and thoughts and feelings.  It is good to have a plan and priorities and stick to them.  BUT... and this is a big one, I am not in control.  I do not have control.  There is a song that goes through my head sometimes when I remember that I am not in control by Steven Curtis Chapman --
 ~God is God and I am Not~

And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know
And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust
God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God
And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I
Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass
Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through
Him and from Him are all things
So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone


In life, we get caught in this power struggle so often.  In many situations there are too many chiefs.... too many leaders.  What I needed to be reminded hourly is that God is in control of my life.  I must let go of my need and desire for power and give power to whom it belongs, God.  


(now I just need to remember that and repeat it about a million more times before it might actually sink in).

The Absence of God--

It has been a week between blogs.  I don't like to do that but have really been busy and the blog has not been close in my brain, I guess.

What have I been doing?  Well, this week has been crazy busy with our Child Development Center sale.  I have worked with others at the church to make it happen and get the materials into good hands.  It was a huge success.  I took the next book in my reading list with me each day but never got around to reading it.  So, today I made it through half a chapter.

The book is called Beginning to Pray by Anthony Bloom.  So far, I am really enjoying it.  I am re-reading the first chapter called "The Absence of God."  God is not really absent as in not there; on the contrary, God is absent from our minds.

This all got me thinking about my "tasks at hand" this week.  I was busy, busy, busy and doing, doing, doing.  I don't think I ever stopped to thank God this week for the success of the sale.  I don't think I once praised God this week in allowing me to help teachers get materials and preschools get supplies.  Did I have to?  No, probably not, but then wasn't God really absent from my mind?

On Monday, as a last whim, I decided to post on Craigslist.  The sale was not "really" open to the public and was more by invitation only.   Basically, we really wanted the stuff to get into the hands of people who could use it, teachers.  About 2 on Monday, a lady came.  She is starting a Spanish Immersion Preschool on the Northwest side of San Antonio.  She just happened to look at Craigslist that morning.  She did not have a big vehicle so said she would come back the next day.  In the end she bought a TON of furnishings.  She bought cubbies, shelves, tables.

The more I think back on the events of the week, that was a God thing.  I didn't really want to advertise on Craigslist but for some reason I did.  I ended up posting.  I was able to help her get some really good deals and get one step closer to opening her center.  God was there, but I sure took it for granted.

That is how God moments are alot of times.  Really awesome God moments get stuck in the midst of the craziness of life.  They get lost in the other things.  Why do we take those God moments for granted?  Why do we not notice these things and praise God WHEN they happen?

There are so many times in my life that I don't realize that God is wrapping unconditional love around me.  What am I doing?  Going through the motions.... just letting life take its course.

hmm...

Simple Beauty -- Things that make you smile

I was headed back from an appointment this morning.  There were an unusually large amount of cars on this road that is usually desolate.  I realized there was an Estate Sale.  I am a sucker for these sometimes.  Usually they don't have much I want but sometimes I even find yarn.  (However, it is usually mostly acrylic).

This was a beautifully simple home -- 3 bedrooms, living room, screened in patio.  It was a typical home built in the 70s.  There was a 1/2 acre in the front yard and probably an acre and a half in the backyard.  It had a gorgeous pool and deck and tons of outdoor furniture and goodies.  

The fun thing about alot of these types of sales is these are people who were "depression era collectors."  My grandfather, for instance, had 22 pocket knives.  He didn't display them, but he had them.  My grandmother kept EVERYTHING.  I have heard it said before that these people understand the value of things much better than we do because they have gone without.  (That totally makes sense to me.)

Back to the sale -- this family must have bought out Hallmark.  One whole room of the sale was 4 card tables FULL of different greeting cards, Christmas Cards and gift bags.  The backyard had really neat decorations, furniture and tools that must have beautifully decorated this yard.  The screened in porch had tons of fabric, sewing machines, and yarn (yes it was all acrylic :(.  

The PRIZE that I found was hand blown glass flowers.  They are about 20 inches long.  They are Murano Glassware.  They are amazing looking.  I have had a vase sitting in my office for awhile that was from a wedding in December.  The vase is PERFECT.  There were about 20 stuck in dirt in a pot outside.  I chose a yellow, dark blue and sea foam green one.  (Once I get the vase cleaned up and them set up, I will add a picture.)

I am not a "flower" person.  I enjoy them, I think they are beautiful, but overall, I am not a huge lover of flowers.  That being said, flowers make me smile.  Flowers relax me.  When I doodle, I draw flowers.  When I used to paint, I always wanted to paint flowers.  I never liked what they looked like when I finished them, but I always wanted to paint them.  

Sometimes in life it is the simple elegance that makes everything just pop.  Sometimes beauty can be found in the oddest of places.  

Being wasteful

I had to laugh -- yesterday Jody made lunch since it was my day off.  He cooked the potatoes on one plate, the brisket on another plate, and then plated it all on yet other plates.  So, instead of washing one maybe 2 plates, we got to wash 4.  I was amazed.

I was reminded about this just now.  I am at home sick watching food network.  (Just as long as the stupid snuggie commercial does not come on, I am good.)  I was just watching Quick Fix Meals with Robin Miller.  She was making coleslaw in a bowl.  (obviously).  BUT, when it got time to serve it, she transferred it to another bowl for presentation.

Why do we do this?  Why do we live in a world where we make more work for ourselves?  I know "the easy way" is sometimes not the best way but do we really have to plate for presentation and dirty up more dishes?  It just seems like a waste of time to make something "prettier."

On one of the Food Network shows they always say that you are more likely to enjoy the food if it looks good.  You taste with your eyes first.

This reminds me of one of the times last fall that I worked at the soup kitchen down town.  They did not have any salad dressing but were having salad.  I said I would throw something together with the ingredients they had and see what turned out.  Basically, I made a Balsamic Honey Mustard Vinegarette.  The thing was, when using Balsamic Vinegar, a little goes a long way and turns the color of what you mix it in a hideous color.

Basically, my yummy dressing looked like nasty chocolate syrup but tasted wonderfully.  That day we served two meals.  At lunch, everyone was very hesitant about the bizarre looking chocolate syrup that I was serving them as salad dressing.  I will admit that I thought it looked aweful.  I kept reassuring them that it was good.  The funny thing is that when "seconds" were called -- they all came and got more dressing.

At dinner, EVERYONE had the dressing.  They ran out.  The girls that were serving thought it looked gross and no one would eat it.  The people eating knew differently.

Where am I going with all this?  I am not exactly sure...I think this is one of those things that makes you wonder.

Making Order out of CHAOS

It always amazes me that about 4 times a year I get so tired of everything in my house that I have to reorganize it.  Right now Cade's toys and books are overwhelming me to no end and about to drive me crazy.  My yarn closet is at the "open grab and close quickly so nothing comes out stage."  I hate that.

I really don't try to have disorganization.  I actually prefer my world to be organized down to the smallest letter.  I like to have everything laid out.  Then, other priorities get in the way.

Tonight, Cade and I will finish up his play room.  We have 2 new shelves and one more on the way.  We have little buckets that, in a dream world, will stay nice and organized by types of toys.   (Yes, every mother has this dream that usually is just a dream).

Tomorrow, I will get clothes organized, folded, put away.  It is just "that" time of year.  Well, that and company is coming over spring break and I don't want to look like a total slob.  (really am not a slob, I know).

This week has been all about the cleaning and organizing really.  I have been getting ready for our Child Development Center Sale.  WOW, there is a lot of stuff.  The more I organized it, the more I got overwhelmed.  One person who helped me said it was kinda like eating an elephant -- you had to do one piece at a time.

Why in life do we have things all planned out, all organized, all prioritized and then BOOM something happens and we become a cluttered mess?  BOOM, some explosion of life craters our organizational plan.  BOOM, life gets in the way.  It is a daily struggle I guess.  A daily test of my patience sometimes.  A daily mountain that I don't always want to climb.

Guess it keeps life interesting?

Serving others... serving myself

I am an hopeless do-er.  I have begun to realize this alot lately.  I am a people pleaser.  I do stuff for others, plain and simple.  Doing stuff for others makes me feel good.  That can't be bad can it?


As you all know, I knit (yeah not a secret).  Many laugh at the fact that I don't usually make stuff for me.  I have some scarves that were simple quick knits but as a whole -- I don't knit for myself.  I just don't.  I will talk about a project that I am starting for myself after I finish my current one, but usually that does not happen.  


A friend has been doing a series of blogs on "loving yourself."  The more I identify with these blogs the more I wonder if I love myself.  I think alot of it is the eternal "mom" thing.  I want to do SO SO much for Cade that I probably neglect me.  I do so much for Jody that I probably neglect me.  Moms have this thing with being selfless with their family.  


Also, I keep thinking about Finding Nemo with my last blog -- "Are you floating in the waters of God's unconditional love for you?"  I "just keep swimming... just keep swimming... just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."  


But back to the knitting  -- It is kinda sad that the first thing I do when I see yarn is imagine who I can make it for.  I can honestly say there is only 2 skeins in my stash that I probably will use for myself currently.  Why?  I just don't knit for myself.  


The more that I think about it though -- when I am serving others, I really am serving myself.  I spend hours focusing on the person when making the project.  Knitting is my time for prayer and meditation and with each stitch is another prayer.  I can't fathom spending that much time on something for me.  I don't really want to.  


It makes me all wonder if this is yet another example on my difficulty in accepting love for myself?  On Sunday evening, Pastor preached on this (hmm... might God be trying to get some point across to me?).  The sermon text was Luke 13:31-35.  Towards the end of the sermon, he said we can be obstinate, foolish, stubborn, but the love of God for us remains just in case we wise up and accept his embrace.  Hmm... am I obstinate and stubborn?  NEVER.  


I think that in life we set out to love ourselves, take care of ourselves -- and accept that love from others.  HOWEVER, somehow we get lost in that and get stubborn and forget to accept that love especially that unconditional love.