I have been very lacks on my blog for the past couple months. This bothers me. Then I began to realize that I have been creatively blocked for awhile. Knitting is boring, blogging is not happening, even drawing has ceased. This is starting to bug me.
As I started analyzing this today, I was working on the church website. It is fun to design new pages and look for new ways to creatively advertise the worship of our church. What I began to realize was that just like all of the other creative things in my life, that too was a chore today. In 4 hours, I have created and deleted 10 pages. I actually published 4 of them and updated a couple, but the real meat that needed to get done just was not happening.
Upon further looking at my creative block, I realize that in the past couple months I have been going through the motions. I am very happy with my life but have been coasting. My relationship with my Savior has been coasting as well. I would not say that I am in a rut but if I do not make some changes soon, I will be there. I don't like that.
We do that. We get comfortable in the day to day routine and moving from one thing to the other. The difficult turn is to say, "Self. You will make the changes that need to be made. You will spend time in the Word. You will do SOMETHING creative daily."
So, my plan:
Begin my day intentionally with God.
Do something creative every day (no exceptions)
Step out of my own comfort.
Spend time daily in the Word.
It's about alot more than green tea. Spiritual journeys are funny things. God comes to you in ways you never would have imagined and dwells in that place. This is my journey for health, prayer and happiness.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Moving
It has been a while since I last blogged. I truly hate that but there have been lots of changes going on and my life has been disheveled in many ways. (mostly all good).
As most of you know by now this past week Jody, Cade and I moved. It has been a long time coming and a very good thing. Our previous 2 moves were because of job changes. Those moves were across country (Texas to Illinois and Illinois to Texas). While they were very necessary and brought with them some interesting lessons, this move has really brought some interesting thoughts and feelings. Most of these, I am still analyzing but many you can understand why they hit me.
As most of you know by now this past week Jody, Cade and I moved. It has been a long time coming and a very good thing. Our previous 2 moves were because of job changes. Those moves were across country (Texas to Illinois and Illinois to Texas). While they were very necessary and brought with them some interesting lessons, this move has really brought some interesting thoughts and feelings. Most of these, I am still analyzing but many you can understand why they hit me.
- I have way too much stuff. As much as I have tried to not be a stuff-centric person, I still have way too much.
- Along with that stuff problem, after 5 years, you begin to find stuff you haven't seen in 5 years. Processing all of that stuff and deciding its necessity is not always easy.
- Our move was a little faster than anticipated. We had some friends help us move and did it on their schedule which meant we did not get to go through everything and just packed and moved. Now that we are unpacking, we are realizing junk and good stuff and have lots to throw away / donate.
- It doesn't happen overnight. As much as I would have liked to pack up/move/ unpack and be all back to normal -- that ain't gonna happen. It is not realistic. You begin to look at priorities of the move and look a little harder at what is important.
- Family is important. During the move, Pepito got loose. In 20 minutes, we chased Pepito and had Houdini locked in the car. Cade was sitting on our front porch alone. It was scary. It was a new neighborhood and there was lots of uncertainties. You start to realize how important safety and security is for everyone. The loss of control and craziness makes you appreciate even more the safety you find within your home.
- You fully appreciate the people who are willing to help you. We had so many people offer assistance in packing and moving. It was wonderful. We did not even get to use all of the people that volunteered. It really makes you feel loved.
There are so many more things to be learned from this move. Many more are discovered daily. I have grown to appreciate my grandmother more. She is probably sitting in heaven and laughing at me because I want our old house spotless before we hand over the keys. I am beginning to spot every little blemish and want to fix it. I know it is not possible. I have to let go of that control.
Yesterday we also learned a valuable lesson in - when everything is going right, things can still go wrong. We are in the final stages of cleaning and moved a chair downstairs to clean the fan. It slipped from Jody's grasp and fell through the window at the bottom of the stairs. As much as making that phone call and paying for that glass fix truly sucked, it again made me realize that all of this is temporary. Stuff is stuff. Money is replacable. All will come out in the end. That is not an easy lesson but one that needed to be had.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Memories are really neat things
It has been quite awhile since I blogged. This could be blamed on many things but mostly just my laziness.
The Christmas season was again a beautiful one. One of the things that really began to hit home this year with me was traditions. Traditions were never a big part of my family's celebrating. We were a small family. Christmases were usually small and did not include more than 8 people and were really homey.
So, when starting to talk to Cade about important "Christmas" things that we did EVERY year, I really had to think for a bit. Our "important" stuff started just after Thanksgiving. My family didn't have a fancy tree. We did not have ornaments and a color scheme that all matched. Instead, my family Christmas tree included ornaments from my childhood, my sister, and then special ornaments to my parents. Each year, putting up ornaments was like walking through the past. I have angels on my tree from before I was born. I have all of my ornaments from when my grandmother china painted. Each of these ornaments is very special to me.
When Jody and I first got together, we bought a yearly ornament. We tried for a couple years to do a more "theme" tree because they are very pretty, but we went back to "our" tree. The sad part is Jody doesn't have ornaments from his childhood and that "specialness." That makes me sad. I realize every family has their own stories and traditions but I still wish Jody had some of his childhood ornaments.
Cade has gotten ornaments every year since he was born. We try and get him ones that have to do with whatever he is currently interested in. This year was a Charlie Brown ornament and also a robot ornament.
This morning we took our tree down. Jody could not believe that I had a history with almost every ornament on our tree. I remember when I got them, where I got them, how I got them and/or who gave them to me. That is a special thing to me. I can stop and think about that time in my life, say a prayer for that person or simply share a memory of something involving that ornament. Jody started challenging me to see if I really knew something about all of them and I did. It was kinda funny but really it just brought that sentimentality and specialness of Christmas ornaments for me.
Peace to all.
The Christmas season was again a beautiful one. One of the things that really began to hit home this year with me was traditions. Traditions were never a big part of my family's celebrating. We were a small family. Christmases were usually small and did not include more than 8 people and were really homey.
So, when starting to talk to Cade about important "Christmas" things that we did EVERY year, I really had to think for a bit. Our "important" stuff started just after Thanksgiving. My family didn't have a fancy tree. We did not have ornaments and a color scheme that all matched. Instead, my family Christmas tree included ornaments from my childhood, my sister, and then special ornaments to my parents. Each year, putting up ornaments was like walking through the past. I have angels on my tree from before I was born. I have all of my ornaments from when my grandmother china painted. Each of these ornaments is very special to me.
When Jody and I first got together, we bought a yearly ornament. We tried for a couple years to do a more "theme" tree because they are very pretty, but we went back to "our" tree. The sad part is Jody doesn't have ornaments from his childhood and that "specialness." That makes me sad. I realize every family has their own stories and traditions but I still wish Jody had some of his childhood ornaments.
Cade has gotten ornaments every year since he was born. We try and get him ones that have to do with whatever he is currently interested in. This year was a Charlie Brown ornament and also a robot ornament.
This morning we took our tree down. Jody could not believe that I had a history with almost every ornament on our tree. I remember when I got them, where I got them, how I got them and/or who gave them to me. That is a special thing to me. I can stop and think about that time in my life, say a prayer for that person or simply share a memory of something involving that ornament. Jody started challenging me to see if I really knew something about all of them and I did. It was kinda funny but really it just brought that sentimentality and specialness of Christmas ornaments for me.
Peace to all.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Pass the Bread Basket Please
This is the sermon I gave this morning. I told a couple people I would post it this afternoon.
So, pass the bread basket.
So, pass the bread basket.
This morning 30 thousand runners are starting the Rock n Roll Marathon in downtown San Antonio. In fact several from our church are among them including: Jennifer Feutz and Grant Lopez. These runners have been training for months in hopes of making their personal goal and to benefit Susan G Komen breast cancer. Training regimens are a big part of the runners getting to where they are. One major part of their training iscarb loading. They strategically load themselves with carbs to train their bodies to more effectively use the energy from carbs. Before big runs and marathons, they feast on meals with bread and pasta to get ready for the next day.
Bread. It is something we all enjoy. We sit down at restaurants to bread baskets. We munch on bread waiting for the meal to come. Even in this morning's Gospel, Jesus talks about bread. To put you in the place of this morning's Gospel let's move back to just before today's reading. Jesus performs the miracle of the feeding of the 5000. Jesus fills the bellies of these people and they are amazed. They search him out and when they locate him again are looking for more. Jesus quickly reminds the people that he is there for more than just providing the physical needs of their bellies. Jesus is not here to provide us with a physical meal. Jesus shares with them the story of God providing Manna through Moses in the desert. When the Israelites did not recognize the physical bread that God had given them to eat so also the people with Jesus would not recognize the spiritual bread that God would provide through Jesus. What the people with Jesus that day did not recognized was their that the hunger he came to feed was not gut hunger. Their hunger could not be filled by an all you can eat fish and bread meal. They were spiritually hungry.
What does it mean to be spiritually hungry? Spiritual hunger is a longing to be in the presence of God. We long to search for our meaning and long to reach out to God. We look for experiences that will bring us to that place. Being spiritually fed can happen in many different ways. Many times we don't understand it but when we do recognize it we sit in the presence of God.
And this brings us to this morning's Thank offering worship time. As Christians we are to give thanks for the blessings that we have received. We are to share those blessings with others with our whole heart. We are to give out of the love that God has given us.
Giving is something we often take for granted. When it comes to spiritual bread, many time[s] our giving is like filling ourselves with physical bread and not focusing on the spiritual part of our giving. We give out of convenience, we give because the time of the year is right. Many times we give out of our need to feel good. Some have said to “Give til it hurts” but that really has no meaning for us. Giving more of ourselves and giving til it hurts means that we write a bigger check, we give a little bit more.
Over my 10 years in ministry, I have had the opportunity many times to search out what I spiritually hungered for. I remember in the first year taking a group of high school youth to Hope House. These high school youth really just thought they were buying Christmas gifts for some underprivileged teens. Hope house is a teen mother halfway house in Hopkins Park Illinois. Hopkins Park is one of the poorest communities in the nation with half the population living under the poverty line. One of my teens was paired up with a 16 year old who wanted a real Barbie doll. The girl was confused and thought it was a little weird but she bought her a Barbie doll. When the time came for the Christmas gathering, she sat and heard the story. Her family was poor and they had always done the best to provide the best life possible for her. Most of her toys were from thrift stores and dollar stores. She had seen the commercials of little girls getting Barbie dolls and wanted to experience that happiness if only for a little while. What should have been just a simple gift became a meaningful connection between these two girls. Nicole left the experience realizing that she was very grateful to live in privilege. What was a simple Barbie doll had a great meaning that far outweighed anything we could have imagined.
Many times Youth Ministries participates in the same, if not very similar service projects year after year. These service projects benefit people around San Antonio and Texas and help the youth to understand helping others. What I sometimes overlook is that I can fall in a rut of not challenging myself as a Christian to take something different away. We find as Christians that we help the same people and give to the same charities because we get behind “their cause.” All of these “same” projects are beneficial but when we step out and try something new and step out and do something a little different, we can again be reminded that we are not just “tasting bread” but understanding that we are spiritually hungry for the “true bread from heaven” which helps us to understand what “give til it hurts” really means.
In September, the Confirmation and High School youth and I had a new “serving experience.” We signed up to do service hours at San Antonio Food bank. If you have never been there, it is an awe inspiring facility. The day we went we were assigned to their “Senior Care Division.” We had no idea what that meant really. We were taken with another group of volunteers to a conveyor belt. For the next 3 hours we would be packing boxes of food that would travel around South Texas. They would be given to seniors. They would last 2 weeks. They were packed with items such as cereal, canned veggies, meat and fruit, canned milk, 2 different juices, beans, rice and other assorted items tightly packed in this box. During those 3 hours of hard labor, we packed almost 1000 of these boxes. 970 bottles of grape juice passed through my hands. My feet hurt, my back hurt, my body was rejecting the thought of moving. It was hard work. It was difficult in that time to see the joy and blessings that we were experiencing. We just wanted it to be done with. Afterwards, we reflected. We understood that service projects were not all fun and games. We understood that we were not only serving the people that would get these boxes but also the countless employees and volunteers who make the food bank happen. Even though the service we had done hurt, we still could better appreciate what it took to make sure the underprivileged of South Texas could get food they so desperately needed. I remember going to church the next morning in pain. I remember thinking there is no way I will ever have them do this service project again because it is too hard. Then I realized that giving hurts sometimes.
Jesus is the bread of life. [He becomes bread for us by taking on human flesh and giving his life for us] This bread is not about the empty calories that we often fill ourselves with. This bread is not about giving without thought and feeling. [It comes to us by the grace of God] Just like the runners in this morning's marathon, if we do not use our bread effectively it will not fuel our bodies. If the runners do not eat and train in the correct way, the bread they eat is just empty calories. We shouldn't load ourselves with feel good things and empty calories. We as Christians should take heart in what our giving does and why we do it.
Many times we fall [back] into the laundry list of donations and charities we support. We have a list of places we give time to and list of places where we serve. By adding more to the list we are not “giving til it hurts,” we are not truly enjoying the bread from heaven. Having an understanding of the things that we take for granted and the blessings that we have helps us to fill ourselves with the true bread of life.
And this is where we find ourselves. Because we have been created in the image of God we hunger for something more. We hunger for something greater. That spiritual hunger for the “true bread from heaven” helps us to understand what “give til it hurts” really means. We begin to give, serve and live our Christian lives with a new found heart that has empathy for others, does not take for granted our blessings and serves not because we have to or should but because we are serving others for the Glory of God.
Bread. It is something we all enjoy. We sit down at restaurants to bread baskets. We munch on bread waiting for the meal to come. Even in this morning's Gospel, Jesus talks about bread. To put you in the place of this morning's Gospel let's move back to just before today's reading. Jesus performs the miracle of the feeding of the 5000. Jesus fills the bellies of these people and they are amazed. They search him out and when they locate him again are looking for more. Jesus quickly reminds the people that he is there for more than just providing the physical needs of their bellies. Jesus is not here to provide us with a physical meal. Jesus shares with them the story of God providing Manna through Moses in the desert. When the Israelites did not recognize the physical bread that God had given them to eat so also the people with Jesus would not recognize the spiritual bread that God would provide through Jesus. What the people with Jesus that day did not recognized was their that the hunger he came to feed was not gut hunger. Their hunger could not be filled by an all you can eat fish and bread meal. They were spiritually hungry.
What does it mean to be spiritually hungry? Spiritual hunger is a longing to be in the presence of God. We long to search for our meaning and long to reach out to God. We look for experiences that will bring us to that place. Being spiritually fed can happen in many different ways. Many times we don't understand it but when we do recognize it we sit in the presence of God.
And this brings us to this morning's Thank offering worship time. As Christians we are to give thanks for the blessings that we have received. We are to share those blessings with others with our whole heart. We are to give out of the love that God has given us.
Giving is something we often take for granted. When it comes to spiritual bread, many time[s] our giving is like filling ourselves with physical bread and not focusing on the spiritual part of our giving. We give out of convenience, we give because the time of the year is right. Many times we give out of our need to feel good. Some have said to “Give til it hurts” but that really has no meaning for us. Giving more of ourselves and giving til it hurts means that we write a bigger check, we give a little bit more.
Over my 10 years in ministry, I have had the opportunity many times to search out what I spiritually hungered for. I remember in the first year taking a group of high school youth to Hope House. These high school youth really just thought they were buying Christmas gifts for some underprivileged teens. Hope house is a teen mother halfway house in Hopkins Park Illinois. Hopkins Park is one of the poorest communities in the nation with half the population living under the poverty line. One of my teens was paired up with a 16 year old who wanted a real Barbie doll. The girl was confused and thought it was a little weird but she bought her a Barbie doll. When the time came for the Christmas gathering, she sat and heard the story. Her family was poor and they had always done the best to provide the best life possible for her. Most of her toys were from thrift stores and dollar stores. She had seen the commercials of little girls getting Barbie dolls and wanted to experience that happiness if only for a little while. What should have been just a simple gift became a meaningful connection between these two girls. Nicole left the experience realizing that she was very grateful to live in privilege. What was a simple Barbie doll had a great meaning that far outweighed anything we could have imagined.
Many times Youth Ministries participates in the same, if not very similar service projects year after year. These service projects benefit people around San Antonio and Texas and help the youth to understand helping others. What I sometimes overlook is that I can fall in a rut of not challenging myself as a Christian to take something different away. We find as Christians that we help the same people and give to the same charities because we get behind “their cause.” All of these “same” projects are beneficial but when we step out and try something new and step out and do something a little different, we can again be reminded that we are not just “tasting bread” but understanding that we are spiritually hungry for the “true bread from heaven” which helps us to understand what “give til it hurts” really means.
In September, the Confirmation and High School youth and I had a new “serving experience.” We signed up to do service hours at San Antonio Food bank. If you have never been there, it is an awe inspiring facility. The day we went we were assigned to their “Senior Care Division.” We had no idea what that meant really. We were taken with another group of volunteers to a conveyor belt. For the next 3 hours we would be packing boxes of food that would travel around South Texas. They would be given to seniors. They would last 2 weeks. They were packed with items such as cereal, canned veggies, meat and fruit, canned milk, 2 different juices, beans, rice and other assorted items tightly packed in this box. During those 3 hours of hard labor, we packed almost 1000 of these boxes. 970 bottles of grape juice passed through my hands. My feet hurt, my back hurt, my body was rejecting the thought of moving. It was hard work. It was difficult in that time to see the joy and blessings that we were experiencing. We just wanted it to be done with. Afterwards, we reflected. We understood that service projects were not all fun and games. We understood that we were not only serving the people that would get these boxes but also the countless employees and volunteers who make the food bank happen. Even though the service we had done hurt, we still could better appreciate what it took to make sure the underprivileged of South Texas could get food they so desperately needed. I remember going to church the next morning in pain. I remember thinking there is no way I will ever have them do this service project again because it is too hard. Then I realized that giving hurts sometimes.
Jesus is the bread of life. [He becomes bread for us by taking on human flesh and giving his life for us] This bread is not about the empty calories that we often fill ourselves with. This bread is not about giving without thought and feeling. [It comes to us by the grace of God] Just like the runners in this morning's marathon, if we do not use our bread effectively it will not fuel our bodies. If the runners do not eat and train in the correct way, the bread they eat is just empty calories. We shouldn't load ourselves with feel good things and empty calories. We as Christians should take heart in what our giving does and why we do it.
Many times we fall [back] into the laundry list of donations and charities we support. We have a list of places we give time to and list of places where we serve. By adding more to the list we are not “giving til it hurts,” we are not truly enjoying the bread from heaven. Having an understanding of the things that we take for granted and the blessings that we have helps us to fill ourselves with the true bread of life.
And this is where we find ourselves. Because we have been created in the image of God we hunger for something more. We hunger for something greater. That spiritual hunger for the “true bread from heaven” helps us to understand what “give til it hurts” really means. We begin to give, serve and live our Christian lives with a new found heart that has empathy for others, does not take for granted our blessings and serves not because we have to or should but because we are serving others for the Glory of God.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Reflections on a Vacation
So as many of you who are following the goings on in my life know, I spent October 18-20 at a camp. Church workers were invited out to Camp Eagle outside of Rock Springs for a 3 day retreat. You could take part in as much or as little of the programming that you wanted.
It is not often that you get the chance to leave reality and go hang out at camp for free. I had been looking for a way to take some vacation time to just relax and be quiet. I really planned to do nothing. I wanted quiet meditation with God in a beautiful setting.
I arrived and went on a tour. I quickly realized that this was not going to be quiet relaxation or meditation. And that was ok. I felt this need and desire to try things and do activities and getting into the action while still having some wonderful meditation.
Day 2 started with a walk over to breakfast and hearing a powerful story about the director taking a leap of faith in making Camp Eagle what it is today.
After breakfast, I did it. I had wanted to do it for awhile and I ziplined. You can read about that experience previously. The rest of the day was spent exploring and seeing what all this camp had to offer.
Camp, for me, is about experiencing God in a very different way. Mostlly for me, camp has always been about comfort and peace. Camp has been about staying in your comfort zone and being happy with that. This week was much different for me. Going somewhere new is always fun but this was much more than that.
Where I am quite comfortable at camps that I will always love. I grew up at places like Chrysalis and Lutherhill. They helped to define me as a person, as a Christian, as a youth worker. Ebert has been an awesome new experience for me that is just a totally different camp experience.
Now, I have a new place that has shown me that it is ok to step out of my comfort zone. It is ok to try new things. I planned on doing ABSOLUTELY nothing at this camp but relax. I did. It was not the relaxation I expected. God had other plans.
On the last morning, I was supposed to attend "Cave Church." I knew nothing about the experience except it was a mile away, it was dark and it was dirty. I kept an open mind and thought I would try. This was when God again let me know what I needed to do. I finished the hike with my companions to the Cave Church and there it was in front of me. I am claustrophobic. In the ground before us was a hole that was probably about 3 ft across. I was supposed to climb into it to a room about the size of my living room but only 6 and a half ft tall. I said no.
I didn't go into the hole and was very satisfied with my decision. While my companions climbed into the cave and had worship, I had the quiet time I needed. It was a wonderful time to reflect on my time at this place. I had a view of half of the campsite. I sat there and thought about facing fears and knowing my limitations. I praised God for the experience that was so rewarding.
That 30 minutes or so gave me the time to do what I needed to do to come to terms with not going down the hole. I was grateful for the time and renewal.
As we began to walk back, I was tired. When you are not used to hiking a mile and you are not in shape to hike a mile, it can be difficult. We went an "easier" route and not straight back up the hill. THANK GOD! We came back around the side of the hill which gave us a final walk around the camp. This was nice because again I was able to reflect the things I had done and experiences I had.
God works in mysterious ways. I thought I needed a time to relax and spend time in the presence of God. What I really needed was a time to step out of my comfort zone and be challenged and try new things while in the presence of God.
AMEN.
It is not often that you get the chance to leave reality and go hang out at camp for free. I had been looking for a way to take some vacation time to just relax and be quiet. I really planned to do nothing. I wanted quiet meditation with God in a beautiful setting.
I arrived and went on a tour. I quickly realized that this was not going to be quiet relaxation or meditation. And that was ok. I felt this need and desire to try things and do activities and getting into the action while still having some wonderful meditation.
Day 2 started with a walk over to breakfast and hearing a powerful story about the director taking a leap of faith in making Camp Eagle what it is today.
After breakfast, I did it. I had wanted to do it for awhile and I ziplined. You can read about that experience previously. The rest of the day was spent exploring and seeing what all this camp had to offer.
Camp, for me, is about experiencing God in a very different way. Mostlly for me, camp has always been about comfort and peace. Camp has been about staying in your comfort zone and being happy with that. This week was much different for me. Going somewhere new is always fun but this was much more than that.
Where I am quite comfortable at camps that I will always love. I grew up at places like Chrysalis and Lutherhill. They helped to define me as a person, as a Christian, as a youth worker. Ebert has been an awesome new experience for me that is just a totally different camp experience.
Now, I have a new place that has shown me that it is ok to step out of my comfort zone. It is ok to try new things. I planned on doing ABSOLUTELY nothing at this camp but relax. I did. It was not the relaxation I expected. God had other plans.
On the last morning, I was supposed to attend "Cave Church." I knew nothing about the experience except it was a mile away, it was dark and it was dirty. I kept an open mind and thought I would try. This was when God again let me know what I needed to do. I finished the hike with my companions to the Cave Church and there it was in front of me. I am claustrophobic. In the ground before us was a hole that was probably about 3 ft across. I was supposed to climb into it to a room about the size of my living room but only 6 and a half ft tall. I said no.
I didn't go into the hole and was very satisfied with my decision. While my companions climbed into the cave and had worship, I had the quiet time I needed. It was a wonderful time to reflect on my time at this place. I had a view of half of the campsite. I sat there and thought about facing fears and knowing my limitations. I praised God for the experience that was so rewarding.
That 30 minutes or so gave me the time to do what I needed to do to come to terms with not going down the hole. I was grateful for the time and renewal.
As we began to walk back, I was tired. When you are not used to hiking a mile and you are not in shape to hike a mile, it can be difficult. We went an "easier" route and not straight back up the hill. THANK GOD! We came back around the side of the hill which gave us a final walk around the camp. This was nice because again I was able to reflect the things I had done and experiences I had.
God works in mysterious ways. I thought I needed a time to relax and spend time in the presence of God. What I really needed was a time to step out of my comfort zone and be challenged and try new things while in the presence of God.
AMEN.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Facing your fears
I am terrified of the loss of control. I realize that God is in control. I realize that my view of control is only an illusion. I have to get that out of the way.
This loss of control fear has led me to other fears like heights, riding horses, roller coasters. These things just do not excite me. I can admit that wholly and completely.
For 10 years now, since I have been in ministry, I have avoided high ropes like the plague. I just frankly did not want to do it. 2 years ago, when I was at Youth Ministry Certification School, I decided I needed to try it. I climbed a 40 ft rock wall. It was horrible. It really was not so much horrible as just really not a comfortable way of facing my fear. I put faith in alot of people and made it.
After climbing, was supposed climb the platform and zip line down. I couldn't do it. It took so much adrenaline to climb the wall that I just physically spent. I climbed back down.
I found great satisfaction in climbing the wall and what that meant in facing my fears. Right after doing it, I really did not enjoy it but really look back at the experience fondly. But, I didn't zipline.
Quite a different experience, but I had the opportunity to zipline this morning while I am at a retreat. The circumstances were a bit different. I climbed a 15 foot ladder and zip lined. The zip line went down about a 50 foot hill.
I almost chickened out. I got up there and froze. I didn't want to step off. I knew how much adrenaline I had used to get to that point and didn't want to do it. I had 40 strangers surrounding me in cheers and prayers. That was an interesting feeling. Everyone kept saying stepping off was the hardest part. Yeah, that was almost more than I could handle.
Someone else said it was exhilirating. I am not sure yet if exhilirating was the word. I was too tense. I am proud of myself for taking that step over the edge. I didn't want to. I have to admit that. In those brief moments before I went, I totally went into my own world. I felt at peace with going. I don't think there is any other way to describe it than that. I was at peace. I knew that I was ok. I knew that nothing would happen to me. I don't think I ever got "relaxed," but I did let go of the death grip on the rope.
We heard this morning of the story of this camp I am at. Throughout the history of Camp Eagle, the director had to take extreme leaps of faith. He continually put his trust and life in God's hands and God provided. I think I felt that this morning. At the moment I gave up, it was almost as if I could hear God say, "It's ok. I have you."
In time, I will look back and say that I enjoyed it. In time I will reflect fondly on the experience. For now, I will know that I am one step closer to being able to say, "Yes God, you have total control of me." I will embrace it and live it with my whole heart.
This loss of control fear has led me to other fears like heights, riding horses, roller coasters. These things just do not excite me. I can admit that wholly and completely.
For 10 years now, since I have been in ministry, I have avoided high ropes like the plague. I just frankly did not want to do it. 2 years ago, when I was at Youth Ministry Certification School, I decided I needed to try it. I climbed a 40 ft rock wall. It was horrible. It really was not so much horrible as just really not a comfortable way of facing my fear. I put faith in alot of people and made it.
After climbing, was supposed climb the platform and zip line down. I couldn't do it. It took so much adrenaline to climb the wall that I just physically spent. I climbed back down.
I found great satisfaction in climbing the wall and what that meant in facing my fears. Right after doing it, I really did not enjoy it but really look back at the experience fondly. But, I didn't zipline.
Quite a different experience, but I had the opportunity to zipline this morning while I am at a retreat. The circumstances were a bit different. I climbed a 15 foot ladder and zip lined. The zip line went down about a 50 foot hill.
I almost chickened out. I got up there and froze. I didn't want to step off. I knew how much adrenaline I had used to get to that point and didn't want to do it. I had 40 strangers surrounding me in cheers and prayers. That was an interesting feeling. Everyone kept saying stepping off was the hardest part. Yeah, that was almost more than I could handle.
Someone else said it was exhilirating. I am not sure yet if exhilirating was the word. I was too tense. I am proud of myself for taking that step over the edge. I didn't want to. I have to admit that. In those brief moments before I went, I totally went into my own world. I felt at peace with going. I don't think there is any other way to describe it than that. I was at peace. I knew that I was ok. I knew that nothing would happen to me. I don't think I ever got "relaxed," but I did let go of the death grip on the rope.
We heard this morning of the story of this camp I am at. Throughout the history of Camp Eagle, the director had to take extreme leaps of faith. He continually put his trust and life in God's hands and God provided. I think I felt that this morning. At the moment I gave up, it was almost as if I could hear God say, "It's ok. I have you."
In time, I will look back and say that I enjoyed it. In time I will reflect fondly on the experience. For now, I will know that I am one step closer to being able to say, "Yes God, you have total control of me." I will embrace it and live it with my whole heart.
Quiet is a cool thing
Silence is a funny thing. Many run from it. Most don’t understand it. This week, Monday-Wednesday, I am having my own personal time of silence. I am at Camp Eagle outside of Rock Springs. They invited church workers to come and stay for 3 days. You could participate in as little or as much of their programming as you wanted.
When considering going, I realized that I would not know anybody and would not want to participate in many of the activities (rock climbing and rappelling) so I decided this would be a wonderful reflective time for me. It is not often that you get to escape from the hectic nature of the world and responsibilities to be quiet.
The funny thing is, much around me is not quiet. Other churches brought their “teams” of staff to plan and retreat together. Couples came for alone time. There is always music playing at this camp (at least today). In the midst of the noise, I found the calm.
Sitting in the coffee shop this afternoon (yes they have a coffee shop on site?), there were a bunch of people playing games and chatting about who knows what. There I sat at my table with my Chai Latte and prayed. I found the silence amidst the noise. That is not in my nature. It is not in my nature to not join in to conversation and be a part of the group. It is kinda funny -- my cabin mates were concerned that they would be too noisy for me. They all came from the same church and are quite chatty. Still there was a quietness amidst the chatter.
That quietness is where I find God. Searching amongst the noise to find peace is right where God is lurking for me. Being able to separate myself from whatever is going on around me helps me to experience the presence of God.
Camp has always been a place for me to find God. It doesn’t matter what camp specifically, but just to sit amongst creation without cell phone coverage-- God is there. You appreciate creation so much more when you can separate yourself from the noise. Too many times though we find ourself involved in the noise… consumed by the noise.
Be still and know that I am God -- it is so easy to say but it is much more difficult to do.
AMEN
When considering going, I realized that I would not know anybody and would not want to participate in many of the activities (rock climbing and rappelling) so I decided this would be a wonderful reflective time for me. It is not often that you get to escape from the hectic nature of the world and responsibilities to be quiet.
The funny thing is, much around me is not quiet. Other churches brought their “teams” of staff to plan and retreat together. Couples came for alone time. There is always music playing at this camp (at least today). In the midst of the noise, I found the calm.
Sitting in the coffee shop this afternoon (yes they have a coffee shop on site?), there were a bunch of people playing games and chatting about who knows what. There I sat at my table with my Chai Latte and prayed. I found the silence amidst the noise. That is not in my nature. It is not in my nature to not join in to conversation and be a part of the group. It is kinda funny -- my cabin mates were concerned that they would be too noisy for me. They all came from the same church and are quite chatty. Still there was a quietness amidst the chatter.
That quietness is where I find God. Searching amongst the noise to find peace is right where God is lurking for me. Being able to separate myself from whatever is going on around me helps me to experience the presence of God.
Camp has always been a place for me to find God. It doesn’t matter what camp specifically, but just to sit amongst creation without cell phone coverage-- God is there. You appreciate creation so much more when you can separate yourself from the noise. Too many times though we find ourself involved in the noise… consumed by the noise.
Be still and know that I am God -- it is so easy to say but it is much more difficult to do.
AMEN
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