Pentimentos

Thoughts.  Experiences.  Feelings.  All of these things have led me lately to look at what I show the world on the outside and what lies below the surface.  This morning as I drank my morning coffee I looked at this painting.

This was a painting that I started several years ago when I was taking Painting at Kankakee Community College.  I had set out to do a series on Texas landscapes.  I wanted to start with Big Bend.  You may be thinking that this painting looks nothing like "The Window" and is actually watermelons.  

Here is my $5 word for the day pentimento.  The week of final critique in my Painting course, I revisited these mountains that I so desperately hated.  I did not like the way the work had turned out.  It was very frustrating.  I had worked that year on a series of fruit and these mountains quickly became watermelons.  The painting is oil on a 24X36 canvas.  While there are still parts that are unfinished in my eyes, as a whole, the painting met my needs at the time.  

Most would never know that a pentimento existed below the surface of the watermelons.  The mountain range did not matter or have purpose like the watermelons did.  (I also have pears, apples, bananas and strawberries.)

So what then does this have to do with thoughts, feelings and experiences.  Each of us has a past.  Most memories that exist are ones we learn from and move on.  Many memories we look back on fondly, while others we wish would just stay covered from the outside world by another layer of paint.  If you look really closely at my watermelon painting, you can see that there was something painted in the background.  You can't really tell what it is but you know that it is there.  The same can be said of our lives.  While the outside painting is what we want the world to see, often below the surface, a much different painting exists.  We don't want the world to see it but, at times, glimpses of that other side my appear.  

Many of our pentimentos are beautiful.  They reveal a beauty with in that is not often observed or understood.  Many of our pentimentos often reveal a broken, frustrated and confused side.  It is a side that we want to hide, we don't want to deal with.  

It is all about perception.  People will always see what they see and form opinions from what is on the outside.  They may wonder what is within but are often not willing or able to look a little closer.  We show ourselves totally "put together" but just beneath the surface may tell a whole other story.