Reflections on a Vacation

So as many of you who are following the goings on in my life know, I spent  October 18-20 at a camp.  Church workers were invited out to Camp Eagle outside of Rock Springs for a 3 day retreat.  You could take part in as much or as little of the programming that you wanted.

It is not often that you get the chance to leave reality and go hang out at camp for free.  I had been looking for a way to take some vacation time to just relax and be quiet.  I really planned to do nothing.  I wanted quiet meditation with God in a beautiful setting.

I arrived and went on a tour.  I quickly realized that this was not going to be quiet relaxation or meditation.  And that was ok.  I felt this need and desire to try things and do activities and getting into the action while still having some wonderful meditation.

Day 2 started with a walk over to breakfast and hearing a powerful story about the director taking a leap of faith in making Camp Eagle what it is today.

After breakfast, I did it.  I had wanted to do it for awhile and I ziplined.  You can read about that experience previously.  The rest of the day was spent exploring and seeing what all this camp had to offer.

Camp, for me, is about experiencing God in a very different way.  Mostlly for me, camp has always been about comfort and peace.  Camp has been about staying in your comfort zone and being happy with that.  This week was much different for me.  Going somewhere new is always fun but this was much more than that.

Where I am quite comfortable at camps that I will always love.  I grew up at places like Chrysalis and Lutherhill.  They helped to define me as a person, as a Christian, as a youth worker.  Ebert has been an awesome new experience for me that is just a totally different camp experience.

Now, I have a new place that has shown me that it is ok to step out of my comfort zone.  It is ok to try new things.  I planned on doing ABSOLUTELY nothing at this camp but relax.  I did.  It was not the relaxation I expected.  God had other plans.

On the last morning, I was supposed to attend "Cave Church."  I knew nothing about the experience except it was a mile away, it was dark and it was dirty.  I kept an open mind and thought I would try.  This was when God again let me know what I needed to do.  I finished the hike with my companions to the Cave Church and there it was in front of me.  I am claustrophobic.  In the ground before us was a hole that was probably about 3 ft across.  I was supposed to climb into it to a room about the size of my living room but only 6 and a half ft tall.  I said no.

I didn't go into the hole and was very satisfied with my decision.  While my companions climbed into the cave and had worship, I had the quiet time I needed.  It was a wonderful time to reflect on my time at this place.  I had a view of half of the campsite.  I sat there and thought about facing fears and knowing my limitations.  I praised God for the experience that was so rewarding.

That 30 minutes or so gave me the time to do what I needed to do to come to terms with not going down the hole.  I was grateful for the time and renewal.

As we began to walk back, I was tired.  When you are not used to hiking a mile and you are not in shape to hike a mile, it can be difficult.  We went an "easier" route and not straight back up the hill.  THANK GOD!  We came back around the side of the hill which gave us a final walk around the camp.  This was nice because again I was able to reflect the things I had done and experiences I had.

God works in mysterious ways.  I thought I needed a time to relax and spend time in the presence of God.  What I really needed was a time to step out of my comfort zone and be challenged and try new things while in the presence of God.

AMEN.

Facing your fears

I am terrified of the loss of control.  I realize that God is in control.  I realize that my view of control is only an illusion.  I have to get that out of the way.

This loss of control fear has led me to other fears like heights, riding horses, roller coasters.  These things just do not excite me.  I can admit that wholly and completely.

For 10 years now, since I have been in ministry, I have avoided high ropes like the plague.  I just frankly did not want to do it.  2 years ago, when I was at Youth Ministry Certification School, I decided I needed to try it.  I climbed a 40 ft rock wall.  It was horrible.  It really was not so much horrible as just really not a comfortable way of facing my fear.  I put faith in alot of people and made it.

After climbing,  was supposed climb the platform and zip line down.  I couldn't do it.  It took so much adrenaline to climb the wall that I just physically spent.  I climbed back down.

I found  great satisfaction in climbing the wall and what that meant in facing my fears.  Right after doing it, I really did not enjoy it but really look back at the experience fondly.  But, I didn't zipline.

Quite a different experience, but I had the opportunity to zipline this morning while I am at a retreat.  The circumstances were a bit different.  I climbed a 15 foot ladder and zip lined.  The zip line went down about a 50 foot hill.

I almost chickened out.  I got up there and froze.  I didn't want to step off.  I knew how much adrenaline I had used to get to that point and didn't want to do it.  I had 40 strangers surrounding me in cheers and prayers.  That was an interesting feeling.  Everyone kept saying stepping off was the hardest part.  Yeah, that was almost more than I could handle.

Someone else said it was exhilirating.  I am not sure yet if exhilirating was the word.  I was too tense.  I am proud of myself for taking that step over the edge.  I didn't want to.  I have to admit that.  In those brief moments before I went, I totally went into my own world.  I felt at peace with going.  I don't think there is any other way to describe it than that.  I was at peace.  I knew that I was ok.  I knew that nothing would happen to me.  I don't think I ever got "relaxed," but I did let go of the death grip on the rope.

We heard this morning of the story of this camp I am at.  Throughout the history of Camp Eagle, the director had to take extreme leaps of faith.  He continually put his trust and life in God's hands and God provided.  I think I felt that this morning.  At the moment I gave up, it was almost as if I could hear God say, "It's ok.  I have you."

In time, I will look back and say that I enjoyed it.  In time I will reflect fondly on the experience.  For now, I will know that I am one step closer to being able to say, "Yes God, you have total control of me."  I will embrace it and live it with my whole heart.

Quiet is a cool thing

Silence is a funny thing.  Many run from it.  Most don’t understand it.  This week, Monday-Wednesday, I am having my own personal time of silence.  I am at Camp Eagle outside of Rock Springs.  They invited church workers to come and stay for 3 days.  You could participate in as little or as much of their programming as you wanted.

When considering going, I realized that I would not know anybody and would not want to participate in many of the activities (rock climbing and rappelling) so I decided this would be a wonderful reflective time for me.  It is not often that you get to escape from the hectic nature of the world and responsibilities to be quiet.

The funny thing is, much around me is not quiet.  Other churches brought their “teams” of staff to plan and retreat together.  Couples came for alone time.  There is always music playing at this camp (at least today).  In the midst of the noise, I found the calm.

Sitting in the coffee shop this afternoon (yes they have a coffee shop on site?), there were a bunch of people playing games and chatting about who knows what.  There I sat at my table with my Chai Latte and prayed.  I found the silence amidst the noise.  That is not in my nature.  It is not in my nature to not join in to conversation and be a part of the group.  It is kinda funny -- my cabin mates were concerned that they would be too noisy for me.  They all came from the same church and are quite chatty.  Still there was a quietness amidst the chatter.

That quietness is where I find God.  Searching amongst the noise to find peace is right where God is lurking for me.  Being able to separate myself from whatever is going on around me helps me to experience the presence of God.

Camp has always been a place for me to find God.  It doesn’t matter what camp specifically, but just to sit amongst creation without cell phone coverage-- God is there.  You appreciate creation so much more when you can separate yourself from the noise.  Too many times though we find ourself involved in the noise… consumed by the noise.

Be still and know that I am God  -- it is so easy to say but it is much more difficult to do.

AMEN