I am a fan of Glee. You could say it is one of my guilty pleasures. A couple months ago, Jody bought me one of the soundtracks. It has a song from Wicked musical, Defying Gravity.
The song has become very relevant recently. The first verse REALLY hits the nail on the head:
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!
I am a people pleaser. I exist to make people happy. I feel accomplished by constantly fixing things. There has come a point this year especially, that I realize this is not healthy for me. It is not always easy to deny but it is a major change in who I am. I have usually sacrificed so much of me to keep the rest of the world happy. This is not a good thing.
Admitting this to myself is a huge step. Even more than this step, I am slowly realizing that I can not always fix things. I can't make everyone like me. I can't even make everyone happy.
That sucks. The ego part of me wants to fix it. The ego part of me wants to do what the ego part does.
This is truly a leap of faith for me. Coming to a place within myself, within who I truly am that can say, I am not always in control of fixing things is scary. It is a daily learning for me.
But why do we do this? Why do we come to a point where we are sacrificing our needs to make other people happy? I wish I had the answer. I wish there was an easy fix. I spend daily time in prayer to better understand why I need to change in this.
What I currently know is that
1. God is in control. God is and will always be God and I am not.
2. I can't make everyone happy.
3. I can't always fix things.
and that is ok
It's time to try defying gravity. Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity. I think I'll try defying gravity and you won't bring me down.
It's about alot more than green tea. Spiritual journeys are funny things. God comes to you in ways you never would have imagined and dwells in that place. This is my journey for health, prayer and happiness.
Fly girl . . . fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Looks like you are getting wiser!
ReplyDeleteI once read a piece that said that at any moment in time 12 people hate what you're doing and 12 people love it. Everyone else is in between. And tomorrow it will be a different 12. I find it helpful to remember that.