Where were you when ....

Today marks the 30th anniversary of the eruption of Mt. St. Helens.  Where were you when it erupted?

Me??  I was in preschool.  I think playdoh and eating glue were probably more important to me that day.  It is just a thought.

Monumental moments in history -- Elvis died (I was eating my 1st birthday cake, btw), 9/11 (I was being lazy about going to work and ended up relaying messages to our secretary at the church next door)...  The list could go on and on.  Why do we remember these days in history?  Why does it really matter what I was doing at this particular time?

I remember so many important things in my life -- the first time I saw God active in my life, my first crush, my first kiss, when I knew I was supposed to be a youth director, when I found out I was pregnant, the birth of my son.  All of these are so important and each holds a special memory and significance.

Memories are important.  Recalling those memories helps others understand where we have been and why we might have chosen the path in life that we travel.  The memories themselves may seem insignificant to someone else.  The memories may be just blips on the radar of life, but to us they may just be earth shattering, life changing moments.

Often in youth ministry, church type settings, people talk about mountain top experiences.  I have had some wonderful mountain top experiences.  These are times when we feel like we have achieved a great accomplishment.  Many times these mountain top experiences are life changing.  Had I not had one of my first mountaintop experiences at Chrysalis 23 years ago, I might not be a youth director today.  Who knows where my life might have ended up.  Had I not had key moments after that, meeting people who taught me about my faith and how God was active in my life, I might be somewhere very different.

It is funny how life works.  It is interesting how we look back at key points in history and want to always remember what we were doing at that moment in time.  The Berlin Wall, the end of the Cold War, when Pope John Paul II died, Oklahoma City bombing.  And who knows what those moments and key points in history will be 30 years from now when Cade gets older.  Will he laugh when people ask what he was doing when Michael Jackson died.  He can look at them and say, I was eating macaroni and cheese and green beans.  Will his life be forever affected by that event?  Probably not... who knows.

And yes, when Elvis Presley was pronounced dead, I was eating birthday cake at my first birthday party.  :)

Destroying things and making them new

I have weird neighborhood kids.  For some reason, my yard has become their place to play?  Earlier this week, I set out an old piece of furniture that was still in ok condition and someone could have used it.  The kids destroyed it.  At first it ticked me off.  I mean, I don't go destroy stuff in other people's yards.  It really bothered me that they would do this, but then again, I left it on the side of the road in the trash pile so why does it matter?

So, last night, Cade and I came home from HEB where we ordered his birthday cake.  We drove in to our driveway to find all the rugrats had taken the piece of broken furniture and also alot of other pieces of debris from other people's front yards and created a fort in my yard?  My first thoughts were, "Why did they not do this in their yard?  Gees, I am going to have to clean this up."  I was annoyed, but then... not so much.  I asked them to please clean it up before they went home for the evening and did not mind that they had built it in my yard.

Ephesians 4:22-24 --You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; ²³to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.


There was a time when I probably would have been really mad that they built the fort in my yard.  Parts of me really did want to yell at them to go play somewhere else.  But as I looked at this fort, this dwelling that they were playing in -- it wasn't hurting a thing.  They were hanging out not bothering me at all.  


We rid ourselves of trash, sin, bad things all the time.  We don't always let them go.  We think we do.  In our minds, because we got rid of it, it is gone.  At first, I was really pissed that they had destroyed this piece of furniture.  Had they left it alone, someone would have driven by and taken it.  But seeing them last night, having created something completely different -- was cool.  I appreciated my own desire to hold on to past things.  I understood my need to be in control of the past, of that stupid piece of furniture.  


Seeing the boards all laying their neatly this morning, makes me kinda sad.  I don't care for alot of the things the neighborhood kids do in my yard (leave their toys where I can run over them for instance).  BUT, little did they know, that by destroying that piece of furniture and creating a makeshift dwelling in my yard, they have helped me to free myself of past things.  


I close with a song by Ginny Owens called "Free"...  It really speaks to me this morning --

Turning molehills into mountains,
Making big deals out of small ones,
Bearing gifts as if they're burdens'
This is how it's been.
Fear of coming out of my shell,
Too many things I can't do too well,
Afraid I'll try real hard and I'll fail -
This is how it's been.
Till the day you pounded on my heart's door,
And you shouted joyfully,
"You not a slave anymore"
You're free to dance-
Forget about your two left feet
And you're free to sing-
Even jofful noise is music to me
And you're free to love,
Cause I've given you My love,
and it's made you free
I have set you free
My mind finds hard to believe
That You became humanity
and changed the course of history,
Because You loved me so.
And my heart cannot understand
Why You'd accept me as I am,
But You say You've always had a plan,
And that's all I need to know.
So when I am consumed by what the world will say,
It's then You're singing to me,
As you remove my chains
You're free to dance-
Forget about your two left feet
And you're free to sing-
Even jofful noise is music to me
And you're free to love,
Cause I've given you My love,
and it's made you free
I have set you free
Free from worry, free from envy and denial
Free to live, free to give, free to smile
You're free to dance-
Forget about your two left feet
And you're free to sing-
Even jofful noise is music to me
And you're free to love,
Cause I've given you My love,
and it's made you free
I have set you free

Normal?

I mentioned the other day that I was ready for things to be normal in my life again.  It is a funny statement really.
I don't have a normal life.  At least, I don't think I do.  Stress is normal for me.  Drama is normal for me.  Being the overplanner that I am, I "plan" for that stuff.

Then all hell breaks loose and things that you could NEVER had planned for happen.  Those things, I do not do well.  I don't like the unexpected (no one does really).

So, what is normal?  (was asked this by many when I demanded normalcy)  To be honest, I have no idea.  Actually, for me, normal is having my priorities in order, having a schedule -- having a certain level of spontaneity  and chaos but definitely stuff I can control.

Yeah, none of this usually happens that way.  Life happens in between the schedule, the other times are what make life interesting.

Things I have learned over the last month --
    *watch your back.  Always keep an eye out.
    *dealing with things without crying and being a strong powerful woman is really a good thing
    *screaming profanities at people won't get things done.  I realize this should be a given but there were many times over the last month that I wanted to scream profanities at several people.
     *sometimes the only thing that will make you smile is a cute boy and his dog falling asleep in your lap
     *family is very important and their health and safety is even more important
     *never say that the unthinkable cannot happen to you, because it probably WILL
      *normalcy is not what I desire.  The ability to find peace and being in the midst of chaos and craziness is SO much better.
     *life truly is good

What is God telling you?

First off, this once a week blogging is really not working for me.  Blogging had become part of my routine -- a time each day when I could collect my thoughts and pray and reflect.  Once a week is kinda pointless.  That is all I have to say about that.

God talks to us, all the time.  I firmly believe that.  God is not saying, "Mariesa, go eat eggs for breakfast."  I don't think that is it.  I have said it several times, that we take our relationship with God for granted.  Most of the time, we have no idea we are doing this. Most of the time we are so wrapped up in ourselves and our microcosms of the world, that even though God is right there nudging us in one direction or the other, we don't listen or go that way.

The past 4 weeks of my life have been crazy.  The last 4 weeks of my prayer life have been non existent.  That really sucks.  It sucks that I am not making time for my relationship with God.  That being said, this week I have found myself in silence alot more.  I have decisions looming that need to be made and I want to make the right decision.  These are not ginormous and life changing.  They are little decisions to make my life run more efficiently.  These are little decisions that need to be made.

I think Moses had it pretty easy (tongue in  cheek, I realize).  Moses had God talking to him through a burning bush.  When my mother was getting ready to retire from teaching, she was trying to figure out if it was the right time.  At some point, I said, "Well, God will let you know if it is the right decision."  That is a great statement, but it also needs to be followed with, "and be ready to accept what God is telling you."

Without getting into too much detail about my choice I need to make, I am trying to decide whether I need to change a relationship I have.  This is a person who has led me to some pretty important truths about myself and understandings that I have been lead to because of this relationship.  This person's situation has changed which leads me to have to do a lot of "working around."  I don't do that well.  That leads to a spontaneity that my brain cannot wrap around.  As flexible as my schedule often is, quick changes don't usually work.  That frustrates me.

So, here is where that God talking to me steps in.  All this changed about 4 weeks ago.  This person's situation changed for me to work around 4 weeks ago.  Is that God trying to tell me something.  My scheduled time with this changed last week.  The time shifted and then I had an urgent house appointment that got in the way.  Is that God telling me something?

Hearing God, developing that understanding relationship with God, making the steps and choices that God leads me to are not always easy.  There is not an easy answer and that makes things difficult.

So, what do I do?  Pray... and hear the words I told my mother, "Well, God will let you know if it is the right decision and be ready to accept what God is telling you."

AMEN