Over the next year, I was able to complete 3 other 5ks. It did not matter how fast I was or what I looked like, or even if I had good form -- when I set out to finish something, I will not give up til it is finished.
Along the way, I got healthier, I got stronger. As most people know, this was never a journey or weight loss. I am a person who does not live by the scale number. This was not about anything more than me proving to myself that I could do it.
For Lent last year, I decided I wanted to complete miles as part of my Lenten Practice. I struggled with this at first as I knew that I did not want this to be about me. I did not want this to be a practice about me but wanted to somehow turn my efforts to others. It was amazing and became a challenge to myself that I knew I had to complete the miles or I would be letting people down. (somehow?)
Over the past year, I have had hernia surgery, which slowed training down. Then,I setout to finish 2013 with 2 carpal tunnel surgeries.
Now as Lent starts again, I am back at the beginning. I had to restart again. This time, though, I am a little more realistic and a little more understood of who I am. I am doing this for many reasons. I love to exercise. I love to be active and to push myself. Completing a 5k is invigorating. Weight is something I am not concerned about. I am a person who by society standards is "obese." That word is painful but it is what it is. I can't pretend that I am not.
Today was day one of my journey. I somehow managed to do 19:45 on the treadmill in a mile. That felt good. It felt good because I know that I can get my endurance back to what it was. I also completed 4 miles on the bike in 20 minutes. I know I will hurt tomorrow but I also know that I will get stronger.
I struggled with putting my journey out here for all to see. I am doing it for several reasons:
- I need prayers and support. I want to get back to where I love doing 5ks.
- If I can do it, anyone can do anything they put their mind to. I am sometimes annoyed with the looks some people give me when I say that I do and have done 5ks. They look at me with this condescending glare as if to say, "yeah right, you are too fat to do a 5k." I know what the look means.
-I am not on a "diet." There is nothing wrong with dieting. There is nothing wrong with weight loss plans. They are not for me. My goal is not to lose x amounts of pounds. My goal is to be happy with me and live happily doing everything I want to do.
-one last thing - please don't ask me how much weight I have lost. I will not get on a scale unless I am at a doctor. I do not like the scale and really this journey is not at all about the scale.
I want to live my life fully to honor and please God. Everything I do should glorify God and if I am obsessing about dieting or eating uncontrollably while being a couch potato, neither is glorifying God. With all I say and DO.... that is an important part we sometimes forget.
